Woman dislikes Indian food because it has ‘too many flavors’

Woman dislikes Indian food because it has 'too many flavors'

BURLINGTON, VT – Peggy Atwood, 29, has an intense dislike for Indian food due to the excessive amount of flavors. She has never liked too many flavors and believes that Indian food takes the concept of flavors “too goddamn far.”

Ms. Atwood, a collector of Grolier’s Encyclopedias, started disliking too many flavors as a child. “The earliest memory I have is being angry because my parents used the same spoon to feed me carrots and peas. When I got older, I liked eating hot dogs all by themselves – no ketchup, no mustard, no bun, nothing. One time I noticed that the skin of the hot dog had a slightly different flavor, but my parents refused to skin my hot dogs for me.”

As she matured, she stuck to the same set of foods with limited flavors: boiled vegetables, pastas without sauce, plain roasted chicken, and hamburgers or hot dogs without condiments. She also ate deconstructed sandwiches long before Top Chef; she would eat sandwiches, but only one ingredient at a time.

She then had a revelation at 16: “I was drunk and I ate a hamburger in a bun – and realized that bread really doesn’t have that much flavor. So I’ve been eating hamburgers and hot dogs with buns ever since. Plus it’s amazing how much easier buns make eating hot foods by hand.”

But last week, Ms. Atwood’s taste buds were overwhelmed by her first – and likely last – experience with Indian cuisine. “I was out with friends and kinda drunk. And they all wanted to go eat Indian food. Some of them were so excited about it that even I got a little excited. We got to the restaurant and it looked so cute, with Christmas lights hanging everywhere. But when they opened the door it was like walking into an Indian version of the Yankee Candle store.”

Ms. Atwood did not realize that the odors came from the food.”I thought it was all incense or something. Everyone else ordered and kept saying Trust me, you’ll like it. We all got Indian beers, which were pretty good. And then the food came. All the colors were different and everything had a different smell. My friends stuck their noses into the food and inhaled like they were trying to eat with their noses. One of them even rolled their eyes like they were having an orgasm.”

Her friends then turned their attention to her, telling her to try the food: “And the beer hit me and I thought to myself Why the hell not? So I stuck me fork in the closest dish to me – it was something orange – and ate it.”

Then Ms. Atwood’s years of refining her taste buds to a limited palette took over. “There were too many damn flavors. It felt like every part of my tongue – the receptors for salty, sweet, sour & bitter – all fired off at the same time. My friends say my eyes instantly popped wide open and I spat the food right out onto my friend’s plate. I gargled at the table for the next 10 minutes, trying to get the flavors out. The restaurant manager tried bringing me some rye-tai or something, like it would help. They were going to do anything to get me to try something else. I just walked out and ran home.”

Ms Atwood believes she has found a solution to her problem: “I realized that every time I try some exotic food, it always involves friends and alcohol. After a lot of thought, I’ve decided to stop having any friends or talking to other people. It’s very clear that I’m susceptible to peer pressure after a couple of drinks. The only solution is to remove the sources of peer pressure.”

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